January 22nd, 2006
sharing lang
***wala lang sharing lang nung ginawa kong paper sa human behavior in organizations***
I have already accepted that our relationship was over. I have recognized the fact that we cannot go back to what we used to be. I understood that it was time to let go. Now, I live freely; I just go with the flow and take every experience that comes my way as an addition to my learnings.
However, as I was searching my mind for an experience that I felt I was treated unfairly, that moment suddenly popped in my head and my hands started writing that particular event like it just happened a few minutes ago. I was really surprised when I read what I just wrote because I thought that I have forgotten that experience and it was already ancient history. But I was wrong. It was never gone. I guess everytime the thought surfaces on my mind my initial reaction is to push it as far away as possible. Nevertheless, I am not putting the blame on that person, because I know that I am also at fault that we both got tired of the relationship.
I have learned to forgive, but somehow I cannot forget. I remember in one of the sessions of HBO that “people need closure”, which I guess is applicable in my case. I know that it was over, but there was no formal closure. No goodbyes. I tried to ask that person why, but there was no response. Now, we do not communicate at all. I guess this is the reason why I felt victimized, because I was left wondering – why.
A statement from the session is now tattooed on my mind – “approach that person.” I wanted to, but that person won’t let me. Everytime I make a gesture to ask how that person is, as always, there is no response. But I have moved on; I have accepted that I cannot change the circumstance I am in, so I will just go on with my life.
I guess this is one of the repressed materials that keeps me away from essence. I am glad that I was able to share it to somebody and not just keep it in me and continue making an automatic script to help me cope. I guess this helped me make a step towards strengthening my stand of valuing devotedly every moment of my life, that even not so good experiences are treated as something from which I can learn to.
Posted by aira at 05:58 PM | 1 nagreact
