AIRA's ANTHOLOGY...

theletdown

I'm at the hospital room now.

Boring.

Save for the neuro resident that I have a crush on. Hehe.

Cutie.

That's okay, I tell myself, cause I won't see him for good.

But just in case, I'm hanging around here so I can get glimpses.

I'm like a school girl having a crush. Hehe.

---

My mom's at rehab now, her turn to stay in rehab. Hahaha.

Of course, my rehab is far from hers. Hers is mild and not really restricting.

Mine is the intensive 6-month program with nutcases like myself. Haha.

---

JT is a very pleasant friend. I walked her home last night, since she lives at the next subdivion.

That's all, I guess save for the weight of my responsibility now- planning her diet, managing the finances and all that.

theletdown

So I'm officially discharged! Yahoo!

Would you believe I had 42 shirts there?

And at home, I have like 30 shirts.

I dunno where it all came from...

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S is going to HK for his birthday, which is tomorrow.

He's worried that I'm going to "forget me in a heartbeat."

Huh? He'll be gone for 3 days lang.

---

I'm having dinner with JT, my friend from rehab.

I'm quite excited because I have alot of news to share with her.

--

I'm trying to ignore my feelings surrounding J, mainly because I don't want to have to hurt him again.

theletdown

J said he doesn't want to suffocate me again.

It made me remember why I dumped him 2 years ago: he's smothering me with his kindness and love.

I'm pretty sure I'll go away.

theletdown

My mom had a stroke.

I don't know yet what to make of it.

She needs to be rehabilitated for 2-3 months after.

She's still in the ICU and her blood sugar is sky high.

I sleep in the waiting area, for the 2nd night in a row now.

She underwent a great series of tests- ECG, CBG, electrolyte balance test, CT scan- plain and contrast, 2D Echo, CBC, X-ray- the works. And they still can't pinpoint where the stroke originated?

Is it cerebellar? or mural in origin?

Ewan.

---

I'm thinking of avoiding J.

I don't want to hurt him all over again...

Louie

Just when I thought I was cool because I will be covering the first automated polls in the country, I was told by my editor last week that I would be given a new assignment as some people were leaving the company. Moving should not be a big deal anymore since I have changed assignments quite a number of times this year. In January, I moved to covering the Department of National Defense and  local government units from NEDA, and then moved to the House of Representatives in April. In May, I was covering only local government units, and then back to the Department of National Defense. In September, I was transferred to Intramuros to cover the Department of Tourism, Department of Labor and Employment, Department of Public Works and Highways, Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines, Department of Health, Department of Foreign Affairs, Department of Education, Commission on Higher Education and the Commission on Elections.

Moving is really a big deal to me this time because the new assignment is not part of the political cluster anymore. I am tasked to cover private banks, appreciation and/or depreciation of the peso and auction of treasury bills and treasury bonds. Totally different from what I have been covering. Ok. I had economics subjects in UP but when I was still studying, I only had basics about banks and did not really think I would be needing it in the future. Even when I was already working, I never thought that I would be covering banks one day.

My first day was yesterday and I guess I could say I survived. My stories were late though. I have so much to learn.  I told myself before that I would be thinking about the direction I would like to take after the elections. But now that I am not covering that anymore, I may have to think about it now. I am going to try to do what I can do and we'll see.

theletdown

'You're not pretty.'

'I thought you would love yourself from now on?'

'That's why I won't lie to myself.'

---

'J is a great guy.'

'I know.'

'He's too good for you.'

'I know that too...'

---

Had a great day yesterday. After all was done, my sister, my cousin and my tita were all encouraging me to just have J as my boyfriend.

I couldn't answer them.

I really, truly feel that J is too good for me.

He's too good of a guy. Too honest. Too caring. Too loving.

And I don't know if it's something I can reciprocate properly... =(

Ang labo ko no?

I don't want a guy who treats me like shit, but when they don't, it makes me shrink away with fear of too much kindness.

theletdown

My mom is fetching me at 9 am. Then J will be at the condo na by then. I'll have lunch with J and T at around 1. Then I'll go back and fix my closet (and change) then meet S at Starbucks by 530 PM. He'll bring me back home at 8 so I can be back here by 830. Phew.

Those are just the technicalities.

How about how I'll feel after?

I don't know yet.

---

I'm searching for love in all the wrong places.

Like, for instance, in darkness.

theletdown

This is how I feel and this is how I do.

I feel excited for tomorrow, because I'll get to see my friends.

But then again, I have my apprehensions because I'll have to juggle J and S.

I always have this problem: my mind battles with my heart.

---

The attendant here is asking for my help.

I'm getting her husband a job in my brother's company. Plus, we're donating 8,000 for her son.

Her son has pneumonia and cryptorchidism (undescended testis). He has to get an operation ASAP or else he'll become sterile for life. They barely survive. They didn't have dinner last night.

If anybody wants to help, message me.

---

My friend forwarded to me her Goodbye Letter to her ex.

I wish I had the guts. I wish I'm not such a coward.

I'd like to tell my exes 3 things:

1) I loved you to the ends of the Earth.

2) I'm sorry for not fixing up myself sooner, when you made me want to be a better person.

3) I wish you'd still be part of my life, somehow, however far or distant, as friends.

Phew. The three hardest lines to say. The three things that I want them all to know.

(Except, well, Dr. J- I didn't love him, I was just infatuated.)

---

I made S a birthday card from poster paint, chip board, felt and construction paper. It's very simple yet elegant and very cute, they said.

There is a pot of plant on the cover- the leaves I made with felt, and decorated with yellow glitter glue. It's because he is currently obsessed with hydrophonic plants. Haha.

I hope he likes it.

He want to have dinner at Heat tomorrow. I hope the food there is great as I've never eaten there before. But he'll have a hard time eating: he is strictly vegetarian. Haha.